desert bitch

he makes me cry.

Today the Mr. went to his very best friend from childhoods home. His friend has a really bad liver cancer that he has been fighting for over a year.
He went to help with a healing. The Mr. has been doing some serious work and against all of my skepticism
is really becoming something of a medicine man. Don't tell me, I know. Weird. The cancer changed him in ways we never expected. He is a different person now. So upbeat and full of positive energy. It radiates from him.
Another women that they went to school with all the way to high school is going to conduct the healing. Mr. is going to assist and learn.
What got me crying though, is when the Mr. came in the house and told me
"when we were little, we used to always bring our favorite toys over to each others house"
He was holding in his hands his bow and arrow and his fencing sword. His very favorite toys.
"I hope this helps us remember what we were like when we were little, and catch that magic again".

He already is magic. He slays me.

well, it is here.

I got my period and I am stiull tearing up all the damn day long. I had no idea that anyone would take me seriously about being pregnant.

Miss Pepper wasnt ready to go back to school quite yet today. We had a funb day of doing nothing. The girls decided to clean the living room and "make you so happy and proud". it did. we shopped at Target and Trader Joes together. They are so much fun to do nothing with.
Then we painted some and now we are doing gymnastics in the clean living room.

My little Pippin,the Jack russel is feeling very poorly and I am very worried. If he isnt better tomorrow we will have to visit the vet. he looks so sad.

I didnt get to keep my Dr.'s appt. yesterday. My mom said she couldnt walk and I have to take her to the Dr. SO, I made a new appt for Jan, 22, 10:45am. I foind a great site for Breast cancer. I will link it tomorrow.What I want is for someone to tell me what my EXACT chance of recurrence is. I know it isnt possible. I still need to know. My lumpectamy arm side is hurting a greaty deal since yesterday. It feels like a tendon has been tightened and I cant reach for anything ior straighten it out. It feels just like it did after surgery. I am supposing that it is from pushing the stroller up the hills. It is annoying as hell.

What else can I complain about? My vicoden script is out and I can really feel my sciatica without it. I am hoping for a free acupuncture referral from the GP. It isn't normal to be in pain everyday is it?

I really hope people find this blog who are dealing with Breast cancer. I know I would feel better reading about someone else's experience. Especially, if her experience isnt walking ten miles a day all through chemo and rads.

My frend K came up with boy J this weekend. I was hoping to get her away from her daily grind a bit. It was nice to finally have something to share with someone. We went for a desert walk, to the "candy store" and she liked it. She made me feel good about our house, the desert, my views from the house
and Charlie Browns (the candy store,BBQ,gift shopextrordinair). Her little man was perfect for GG to boss around. GG never gets to be the boss of anyone. They chased each other all over the desert, the house and the candy store. Thanks for letting me be a hostess and of course, driving so far! The Mr. made the famous pomegranite martinis, so of course she had to have a sleep over. WHAT FUN!
my computer is down, so i cant post pics or make links, but she is encinomom in my blog roll. Her comp. is down, also, so i doubt she will have pics up either.

ok, must check on Mr. Pip. poor guy.

oh and i dont see spell check anywhere, so i hope it sint too bad.

when was that?

does anyone know when i had my period last? I have been feeling menstrual for about a week now. I have been justifying my eating by thinking it is coming. Now, I am getting that usual panic...
what if I am pregnant!!!!!!!!!??????????
Just writing that should bring on the flow.

Please do not take me seriously. I think I see a hint of it. It had better hurry up though, cuz there just aren't enough tissues on Earth for all of this ridiculous crying. I am sooooooo not pregnant. I only get pregnant in NYC and during my period. I dont plan any trips to New York, either. I am soo done with babies.

a sad reality

I have been avoiding posting these kind of pictures, but it is so rampant, I had to show it. It breaks  my heart to see the desert being treated like nothing more than a garbage dump. Perhaps, someday people will think of it in the same way as they do forests.

gee, ya think this is the scene of a crime?

To get to the truly pretty stuff, we have to first go past dumping. No matter which trails I go on, this is how it is. I see refridgerators, cars, clothes and lots beds. The glass is just horrifying. The way we went today has the most access for cars and so it was the worst we had seen.
The town has desert clean up days, but obviously we need more. If the only the schools could/would get involved.
anyway, this is the sad reality.

what a mess

I have never taken down my tree or decorations this early. I like decorations! I am dragging ass on this job. Usually, I am so sick of it all, I just bang it out. Not this time. I WANT my lights back!

ugh. I am in tinsel hell. I wonder how long the boxes will sit around before the Mr. puts them away?

I will await your judgement on my messy house.

NSFK ?

ALong our walks we have stumbled aross this Saber Toothed House Cat. Who knows how many centuries it has been there. Just waiting for us to discover it.

*shudder* you can see it's eyes.

wow, you an see it scary Saber teeth.

watch out GG !!!!!

Snowy  mountains in the distance. Looks far, but really, it's just 30 minutes away.

We took a little walk on the flats , just to see the Saber Tooth Kitty. I feel pretty good. Later, we are going to show Pepper the walk from yesterday. I hope they don't get bored with the desert.

That's it so far for today.

aaah, new day.

The plan. Go straight from taking Pepper to school to the desert for a walk. I did it. The Mr. fixed all of the punctured tires in all of the strollers. YAY!
I got the correct clothes andd shoes on YAY!
Got collars and leashes all ready for the dogs! YAY!

uphill.

huge old chaparell.

peek a boo GG !

I love it. From a die hard desert hater.

beach to desert

How I went from being face down in a pool of nyquil Tuesday to the great day I had Wednesday is a miracle.

We took "grandpa" to the airport yesterday. BYE GRANDPA!!! Gosh, I had no idea how badly these girls wanted one. GG told me (while I made liquid chocolate in the bathroom) , "i love grandpa" as she swooned.
Anyway, LAX is right by the beach, so we went to Venice ! I got a dream parking spot, just one space away from the boardwalk. We went to the best park on the beach i know of and played there for a few minutes, but the surf beckoned. I rolled up their pants in a futile attempt at keeping them dry. It was also to put on a  modesty show for Grandma. The show was short lived and we stripped down to our skivvies in no time.
The weather was just about as warm as Pacifica in July. Since, i don't have any pictures of yesterday, I will use some from  Pacifica in the summer. Just make the sun more golden.

How much do I love this picture? Even out of focus, she  makes me crazy.

That was a great day.  oh and Happy Birthday "S". Welcome to your third year on Earf.

oh, OK, back to Venice. We collected shells, had a yummy burger lunch and zoomed home.

When we got back to the High Desert, I changed everyones sandy panties, put on tennies, and we took the dogs for a hour long walk in the desert. HEAVEN! We could still see the snow on the mountains so, we almost went from beach to snow in one day...almost. The Joshua trees are greening. I sorta love it.

I was so proud of myself. The New Year is off to a great start.

an appointment

I admitted to two people today that I am having re-occerence fears. I was feeling my breast last night and i felt the lumps and pain that i have had since the rad treatment. I was motivated enough to go to breastcancer.org  and look up post rad treatment problems. I saw that other people have the same problems since it ended. I also saw that other people had bad time with it, like I did. They cried on the radiation table, just like I did. I cried during every chemo treatment. Wimpy pathetic tears. I started taking Lexapro and never cried outside of treatment again. For some reason the rads were just so much worse.
I am feeling a lot better now. I am  not as tired as I was. The holidays are over , though, so i guess my brain was free to go back to how painful the tit is. How lumpy. How scared I am that is has spread to the rest of the tit.
A woman in remission asked if a "bad attitude" can give you cancer. If a non positive attitude can
give you cancer. Tears sprung to my eyes. That is exactly what I am afraid of.
Can me thinking I have cancer again, give me cancer.

I was so positive that i had cancer before I was DX'd. I actually feel pretty sure it is going to come back or has already. That is the truth.
Thank god the Dr.s in the conference said that these thoughts are very common and no, you cant give yourself cancer with thoughts. whew, but they also said to see your Dr. and have it checked out.
I have an appointment for January 15th.

I also learned that my kind of cancer is not caused/contributed to, from being fat. I have negative hormone receptive cancer. YAY!
I learned that working in the textile industry can be a contributer. uh...what? I worked in manufacturing for 20 years. I think they mean a bit more industrial than my jobs were, but still.

so thank you "nutso". I made the appointment so you would stop harassing me. (wink)

desert

here are some pics of where I live. I am goning to get prettier ones, but right now this is all i gots.
this is across the "highway" and up about 5 minutes from  my cabin.

It is just so gorgeous here right now. Alls I want to do is go for a walk further than the bathroom.
This is an offroaders dream. Come visit me...next week.